“You know when you accuse someone of planting evidence before they say that they even found anything, it’s when you know they’re gonna find something,” Colbert said, then offered an example: “Officer, before you breathalyze me, I must inform you I suspect that you have planted a fifth of tequila in my stomach.”
But Colbert saved some of his harshest words for Fox News host Ainsley Earhardt, who he said presented a “very stupid theory” when she implied something nefarious was hiding in the backpacks carried by FBI agents.
“What was in those backpacks?” she asked.
“Good point, Ainsley! Everyone knows you get to search the cops before they search you,” Colbert said. “That’s why I always tell TSA, ’Hold on, mister. First, I’m gonna knuckle-bump your junk.’”
See more in his Thursday night monologue: